Saturday, February 12, 2011

The job search

Must be human....okay, got that

Team player and independent....well that's an oxymoron but I can do both

Able to remove staples from large stacks of documents....Yes, I have opposable thumbs

Able to communicate effectively........ummmmmmmmm, sure, wait what? .

Must have impeccable organizational skills........I can fake that on the resume (do they require a photo of your bedroom?) and they didn't say what type of organization, I personally know where almost everything is in my apartment. Except my cupcake pan that's shaped like mini bunt cakes. I really want some muffins, where IS that?

Must have at least four years of higher education from an accredited university....... Ok, will have that soon, but um really? To remove staples, that's what all this time and money was spent on?

Must be able to push a cart with up to 50 pounds of paper on it.....Whephu (pronounces FEW, while letting out a long breath and wiping your forehead as if you were really worried or had just completed some kind of physically exhausting work), ok, as long as it's not 50 pounds of lead, we all know 50 pounds of lead is heavier than 50 pounds of paper, what with units of measurements and gravity not being real or anything.

Must have at least four years in a secretarial position and demonstrate a working basic knowledge of  finance and accounting......ok, have secretarial position experience and WHAT UP, I'm an accounting minor. Took intro to finance, can't get more basic than that

Must have at least 5 years experience in State and Government Insurance with a minimum of 6 references from elected government officials with a "t" in their name.........well that seems a little hard to get.

Must have 7 years experience in a government agency.......I worked on campus (state school) for three years and in the 2010 so, a little short on that

Must speak four languages (minimum, preference given to those that speak more).......No habla Espanol bien sin "Google Translate". Also, don't think paigeaness counts, tho it should, it's a complicated and beautiful language.

Salary/annual pay range is $15,000-15,500......Wow, that will not pay for my student loans, let alone rent, food, gas to get to work, clothes, internet connection, cable (CANNOT GO WITHOUT AGAIN), books, hairbows, bobby pins, my exotic animal collection (not real but what if I wanted a baby leopard?)

Hours per week 40(+).........Isn't that less than minimum wage? Is that legal?

Must enjoy smiling.......I can fake it till I get the job.

Geez, McDonald's has really upped their job requirements for line cook.

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