Sunday, February 6, 2011

I'm not a doctor, but I play one on WebMD

Who needs to actually attend a medical school? All you need is a TV and access to the Internet.

I have been studying rigorously under the tutelage of  Doctor House, Doctor Bailey, and Doctor Who for YEARS now. I've seen a multitude of rare disease and have helped to diagnose thousands of patients.

Until the invention of WebMD however, my imaginary illnesses were confined to everyday inventions. I had the flu when I sneezed, IBS when my stomach rumbled, I  had to leave school early because I got sand in my eye and if wasn't treated immediately I was going to be blind in hours. But, once I started working on my doctorate in exotic diseases from the University of WebMD, I was shocked by the variety of illness and chronic disease my poor body has been subjected to without ever being diagnosed. Really? How important can a medical license be when I've been having regualr medical check-ups my whole life and no ones ever noticed that I obviously have been infected with the west nile virus since the age of 7?

 I've seen a multitude of rare disease and have helped to diagnose thousands of patients.
With the help of WebMD, I've been able to self diagnose a cold as COPD with an acute comlication caused by pulmonary fibrosis.

One time I stubbed my toe and realized I had Lupus. Imagine, Lupus and I never even knew.

Also, you don't even have to go to the doctor or the computer to discover you have an illness. Just watch a couple of commercials and you'll find out about all kinds of things you have.

"Are you tired, do you have trouble getting out of bed in the morning? Do you sometimes find yourself tapping the table with really noticing? Do you have trouble focusing? Then you need clindamycin HCl Oral, talk to your doctor about getting a prescription."

During my years I've minored in Law, every time I get sick it's usually something that makes me eligible for legal compenstation.

I need to lie down now, between my heart palpitations and anemia this kind of knowledge has worn me out. I wonder if that's normal? My toes been hurting and when I brushed my hair this morning I noticed there might have been more hair than normal in the bristles. I'm gonna look at webmd real quick first.

1 comment:

  1. too funny...after a long night at the hospital this is funny