Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy National Ulcer Day!!!!!

Today in history,on this date, in (Caution: babbling is at the end of this post, with small tangents in between):

1076 – Pope Gregory VII excommunicates Henry IV, Holy Roman Emperor (Oh Henry....tisk tisk)

1556 – Thomas Cranmer is declared a heretic (Not like declaring thumb war) 

1778 – The United States Flag is formally recognized by a foreign naval vessel for the first time, when French Admiral Toussaint-Guillaume Picquet de la Motte rendered a nine gun salute to USS Ranger, commanded by John Paul Jones (Long name, amazing results)

1803 – In the decision for Marbury v. Madison, Chief Justice John Marshall declares that any act of U.S. Congress that conflicts with the Constitution is void (what up legal system!(I've been saying "what up" WAY to much, it stops now!))

1876 – Alexander Graham Bell applies for a patent for the telephone, as does Elisha Gray (Spoiler alert, it's not Elisha Gray)

1899 – Voting machines are approved by the U.S. Congress for use in federal elections. (Approved after several recounts, the pencils were really sharp that day and everyone kept poking holes in the marked  boxes, people where confused where the pencils had poked and where they had marked, hence the invention of the hanging chad)

1818 – Frederick Douglass, American abolitionist, was born

1894 – Jack Benny, American actor and comedian, was born ( I can't say anything funnier than Jack Benny, I admit defeat, you win Jack Benny, you win) 

1913 – Jimmy Hoffa, American labor union leader was born ( hey, I know where he ain't ya see? yea, yea, you'll never get it outta be alive ya, here? yea) 

270 – St. Valentine, passed away marking (marketing?) Valentines Day

And hence the invention of National Ulcer Day, the day where every single freakin relationship, between friends, classmates, relatives, more than friends, comes under fire (THANKS HALLMARK), resulting in an increase in sales of stomach medication (this is a theory and has not been proven by research (mostly my own lack of Goggling)).  What cards are appropriate? I can't get everyone the card about my deep undying, undulating love for them, that's not appropriate for my grandma! And the panic is ingrained in us from early childhood, what cards are good to get for every one in class? My stomach hurts.  

Is this one going to get me made fun of? Does this card make it sound like I LIKE, LIKE Bob or I just , that I like Bob.  Should I still address it by my pet name for him ("Stinky Blob", I was creative, even as a child, and I had a very advanced understanding of the use of words)? Because I really like Frank, I wonder what card he's getting me? Does he like candy hearts or mini chocolates? Can I give him anything 'cause Mary thinks Frank's cute too, and when Shavodka said she liked Frank, Mary said she thought Shavodka's backpack was icky. 

Whether (had to double check that word and I'm still not sure I spelled the right one)  you're single/ or in a relationship, you don't know the proper attitude to take, do I hate Valentine's Day more than global warming, or does that make me sound petty and bitter. Do I love it  (and if I do why don't I marry it?) like I love sunshine and cupcakes (If you don't like sunshine and cupcakes (barring traumatic experience or physical aliment) we can't be friends), and does that make me a desperate, clingy sap? 

I need a tums (TUMS TUM TUMS!).

I like the attitude me and friend took last year on National Ulcer Day (I don't know if I should classify it as an attitude or a stroke of pure genius), we went around to every fast food place in town and bought something. Then we ate it. Then we watched good crappy TV and laid around complaining about how miserably full we were and how we shouldn't have done that. We're doing it again this year. 

I'm gonna need some Pepto Bismol.  

Happy Ulcer DAY!!! 

facts and dates taken from Wikipedia. Comments, taken from thin air. 

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