Monday, February 7, 2011

How to lose netflix privileges

My neighbor, being a good person, took pity on me when I couldn't afford cable and gave me the password to his netflix account. This little act of kindness got me through 6 of the hardest months of my life. How would I know "what not to wear" without Stacy and Clinton? How would I know what to eat with out food network? Would the bride-to-be with the opinionated mother ever "Say yes to the dress"? Would the children from "toddlers and tiara's" ever be discovered by DSS? If not for my neighbor, I would have been stuck watching 8 PBS channels and sometimes, when the planets aligned, I "wheel of fortune" and "Jeopardy"'.

An intelligent person, would be grateful and try to stay on this neighbor's good side. A normal person would do something nice to show their appreciation for such a gracious person. A bad person would continue to scare their neighbor until they caused him bodily harm.

 Our apartments are set up so that there is a small window over the sink that looks out on to the sidewalk (or into the kitchen, depending on where you're standing). So, when a person is doing dishes you can stand and look out at the mountains.

About two weeks ago I was taking out the garbage and noticed my neighbor was standing at the window doing his dishes, he was watching what he was doing, so he didn't see me walking by. I sat down the bag of trash and stood in front of the window  making a face, waiting for him to look up. For about 15 seconds I stood there,  trying not to alert him to my presence with my barely stifled laughter. He finally looked up and screamed. And dropped and broke the plate he was washing.

He scream was so loud, the neighbor that lives above him (also a friend) rushed to her window to see if everything was okay, she thought someone was being murdered. She opened her window to see me  standing outside on the sidewalk laughing so hard that I had quit making sound, and was gasping for breath.

My neighbor, still being a good person laughed it off, and went back to his dishes. I continued on my trek to the dumpster.

A couple days later I was invited over to finish watching a movie. I arrived  a little  earlier than he planned because he was still in the shower. I knocked on the door and when no one answered, I let myself in.  (for future reference, if you let me do this once and don't show extreme displeasure with me, I will continue to let myself in, "If you give a moose a cookie".).

 He had been snowboarding all day and was exhausted. I decide to use this opportunity to scare him again while he was naked and vulnerable. I  silently cracked open the bathroom door about two inches (with my eyes closed (modesty please!)), and very loudly, let him know of my presence by yelling "ROAR".

He screamed, spun around surprised by the noise , and fell in the shower (at this point I opened my eyes because I thought he was dead). He almost broke his neck (but survived), while I made my way into the living room trying really hard to not let him hear me laugh. I was not successful.

At this point his patience was wearing thin, as his bruise grew thicker and larger, but he tried to laugh it off and said it was funny. I tried to redeem myself by making the pop corn, but only ended up burning his last three bags in the attempt. I also broke the bowl I was going to put the pop corn in.

After this I went home.

I can have the password back on Thursday.


  1. My favorite yet! I love reading your blogs, they definitely add humor to my day.

  2. waiting for a new one