Monday, March 28, 2011

The three month hangover

Surprise! You're an expectant.......reader? Oh. the wonderful world of pregnancy, I walk around in a glowing rose colored haze. Little woodland animals help me finish the household chores and a single sparrow softly warbles me awake me from my restful slumber each morning. I wake each day with a hand gently resting on my precious bundle of joy.

That's a crock of crap.It's more of a  three month hangover than a over referenced Disney troupe. When I can get out of bed, I keep one eye out for available thrash cans and the other shielded from the sun because it's to bright and that's proof the ozone layer is being eaten away.

Much like a hangover, I spend most of the day wrapped around the toilet pleading and begging. I SWEAR, that was the last time, I WILL NEVER EVER EVER do it again, just PLEASE make it stop.

When I make it from the toilet to bed, I spend half my time huddled in bed clinging to the sheets so I don't get thrown off into outer-space where there's nothing to get sick into. The other half I'm trying to plot my plan of attack to get back to the bathroom with as little bouncing and movement as possible.

 Silver lining- I've lost 13 pounds (this severe form of morning sickness is called Hypermesis, see this blogs fun and educational!), thank goodness I had the foresight to let myself go this winter.

Also, like a hangover when I do want to eat, all I can eat are things that formerly drunk people want. Bread and grease. Also, coke, but being with raisin (one month it said the baby was the size of a raisin and that whole month all I saw was a cinnamon raisin bagel in my belly, not a child) I cannot drink that beautiful elixir, nor the milk of life, coffee. All of it was taken from me, swiftly and what feels like permanently.

Bright lights and loud noises=bad.

Sleep only  happens after the black-out phase (blacked out from a combination of hunger, fatigue and SEVER annoyance at everyone and everything because NO ONE, NO ONE knows what I'm going through (I know BILLIONS of women do, but right now I just want to be wrong and cranky).

On the other hand, unlike a hangover:

People that went to bed a reasonable hour and didn't over indulge  feel bad for me and want to do things to make it better.

My partner spends most  of his day rubbing my back in between his flights to the kitchen to get me a glass of water or trying to find where I left my saltines.

I have a timeline that allows me to count down to the end of this current nightmare.

The hangover has a payoff- a beautiful child of my own.

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