Monday, March 14, 2011

Rules for riding public transit early in the morning when I'm at my most violent-part one

1) DO NOT try to talk to me, if it's before 10 it is not a beautiful day and I will look at you like you're an idiot for pointing out the weather, I just stood in it for 10 minutes, I know what the weather is like. If you find it impossible to follow rule one, please see subsections 1a-1c.

1a) If you failed to follow rule number one, then please, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT is good, BRUSH YOUR TEETH. I'm already nauseous from the bus careening around winding mountain roads, I don't need your decayed opossum breath in my face (to my knowledge I've never met anyone that's admitted to eating possum, but it's early and your breath is making me gag, so you get what you get.)

1b) Not talking to me also means  please to yell  to your friend across the bus about your wild night last night.  Not to stereotype, but I saw you get on and could already tell that you were wasty faced last night and I don't need a play by play of your vom-quest where you threw up in no less than 8 places last night, since Boone (our town) only has five places to get drunk that your Keshia-wanna-be butt can afford,I can only assume you've recently found you have 3 less friends on facebook) . Also your blackout hook up, makes me want to take you to the clinic, not make you my friend.

1c) Yelling on a cell phone counts just like yelling at a friend, just because you are not addressing me does not mean that I cannot hear you, you are not wearing the cone of silence Ms. Money Penny, and the whole bus now knows what the weird fungus on your toe is doing (also, please wear close toed shoes in public, thank you).   

For more common sense ways to not get the evil eye, please stay tuned, same bat channel same bat time. 


  1. that is the truth thank you

  2. welcome. stay tuned for rule number two, things that are not acceptable bus food