Thursday, June 9, 2011

A message from the cat


For those you that don't speak cat, I will translate below.

Hey, you're not looking at me. If you're not looking at me you can't possibly be worshiping me enough, do you know who I am? Look at me look at me look at me look at me NO DON'T TOUCH ME, just look at me! Fine, you're not gonna look at me then I'm gonna sit on the clicky things. If you have time to go the bathroom 40 times a day then you have time to pay attention to me 80 times. 

 Listen, I'm normally a very laid back kinda cat, I will cuddle for just the right amount of time, I let you stroke and marvel at my silky fur when appropriate, and I never overstay my welcome on your lap. 

But lately, you've been lacking. You have been spending a lot of time on your computer making clicky noises. Everyone is rubbing your belly and not mine. What the hell? You don't even have any fur! 

So, in conclusion more time for me, less time for the clicky noises that interrupt my naps on the computer, and people stop touching your belly because it's weird and giving me nightmares. 

PS- there's a dead chipmunk hidden somewhere in this apartment. I'm saving him for later, don't throw him out. 

O man, he totally killed Simon, I hope it was Simon hidden behind the bikes. He's (Simon) a know it all that sometimes makes me want to punch him (I hate it when someone has cooler glasses than me). It would be sad if it was Theodore (we share an over eating disorder and that creates all kinds of emotional bonds (which lead to more emotional eating)). I'm luke-warm about Alvin, I think he just wasn't loved enough as a child (I googled if there was a special name for baby chipmunks( like a baby dear is a fawn, a baby chicken is a pullet) but no luck). So yeah, I guess the best option was Simon. Although, the chipmunk really looked like the one from "Enchanted" so maybe I'm referencing the wrong children's movie. 

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