Saturday, August 13, 2011

Shows that help me feel like a better parent

Ok, so my kid is still inside me and I haven't really had to deal with any tough parenting dilemmas yet, other than giving up coffee (which I needed to do anyways since my kidneys were cups away from going on strike), but seriously there are some things I don't need to live to know I'll  never do. For example:

"Toddlers and Tiaras"
JonBenet Ramsey. Did these parents learn nothing about making there little girls look 24 when they're 4? Also BULLFUNKY on "my daughter loves it" she just screamed for 3 hours that she didn't want to until you threatened to drugged her when the camera was turned and controlled her with controlled substances (food) for the rest of the time. She is 4, all she wants to do is run around in circles not shake her butt in a two piece bikini because you didn't grow up to be who you wanted to be.

"Dance Moms"
Same as above but with a physical exhaustion level and a slight risk of neck snapping from all the gymnastics. Also what's her name? the dance teacher, is WAY out of line. If a kid is sick let her be sick. She wasn't even complaining (how sad is THAT by the way? that a 8 year old tries to hide that her body is giving out because everyone will yell at her, even her MOM).

I'm not a neat freak by any means but when it comes to keeping a dead cat and fifty plastic animals or my child I hope I choose my child. I do believe that these people do have a legitimate problem that needs professional help, but I would hope I'd seek that help before DSS shows up. Makes me feel better (sometimes slightly panicked) when dirty clothes pile up or dishes stay in the sink.

"Jersey Shore"
I hope that my kids know that mom and dad don't want to see them acting that way and giving American's bad names in other countries. His father is 1/2 German and spends a little time every year visiting family back in the fatherland (hehe, my phrasing) and this cast's behavior is not acceptable for him. At least of you're gonna be a drunken mess, have the decency not to broadcast it on international television. And for pete's sake know more than 10 words, please.

"Keeping up with the Kardashian's"
Kids are not a business. The end. (I really hope most of that is just for show for the show)

"I didn't know I was pregnant"
Most of them drank, did drugs, and did all sorts of horrible other things while they "didn't know" and all reports say they have normal, happy, healthy babies. I try to follow all the rules but sometimes I slip. I eat deli meat (now that I'm in the third trimester), I don't always exercise, I have to drive somewhere else and it's 5000 degrees outside. It's usually not bad in the mountains in the summer, but this year has been insane.

"The Desperate housewives of ANYWHERE"
How can you live your life "for your kids" if you never see them and you have 5 nannies to take care of them because you don't have the time (nipping and tucking and shopping and drinking and gossiping take up A LOT of time)? The ones that do spend time with their kids seem to have the same issues as the moms from "Toddlers and Tiaras" and "Dance Moms", their just a tool to make them more famous or richer.

Ok, I absolutely admit to watching all these shows, and knowing way more of the story line than I should, and therefore I am also condoning these parents actions via my commercial advertising dollars, but I can't look away. It's a "How to" book in reverse. It's educational right?

I would also like to ad "Semi-homemade with Sandra Lee" I will put more thought into my kids meals than into mommy's "special happy drink" (seriously I think the food is an afterthought, why else would her meals have two ingredients and her drinks 12?). Frozen pizza+ extra shake of kraft Parmesan cheese DOES NOT equal a recipe. I'm pretty sure everything learned on her show can be learned by reading the back of the box (everything she makes starts with a box, not that I look down on this kind of cooking, I do  quite a bit of it, but I don't try to pass it off as a TV show worthy of half an hour......although maybe I should.....)

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