Phrases that irritate me

COLD HARD CASH

That doesn't even make sense. Why is your cash both hard and cold? Did you drop it in the sink and then accidentally put it in the freezer (keys/remote control/tooth brush, all acceptable things to find in the freezer. Cash? NO). I understand if cash is just cold. It could be a really cold day out side, that would make anything cold. You could have been at the beach and put your money in a zip lock bag in the cooler to make sure the roided up tide didn't take it out to sea. But why WHY is it hard!?

What are you a drug runner or a bank robber? Are you trying to hide your loot from the police in the chopped frozen onions and your half empty bag of pot stickers? Cause guess what, that just makes your money sticky and smelly. And do you have ANY IDEA how dirty money is, I was a bank teller for a couple of months and believe me, you would not BELIEVE the crevices people pull their money out of. BLLLAICK (I just shuddered and jerk around like there was something on me just thinking about it). 

Or is just that your money is jaded and emotionally unstable? Is that why it's so cold and hard? Has it seen to much in its lifetime and is it now unable to connect emotionally to other bills? I mean, I'm sure money sees a lot, but for an inanimate object to be so disturbed, it would have to be pretty messed up. Was this particular stack only ever used on the black market? Were people mean to it? Did it's mother not love it enough when it was young and still a coin? 

People always talk about "cold hard cash" as being a good thing. I'd be mad if someone handed me a bunch of frozen emotionally unstable money as payment for something. Really? REALLY? You friggin bonehead, go thaw your money, send it to therapy and bring it back. Jerk. 

I realize that was one phrase (singular) and not two phrases (plural hence the "es" at the end of the word) but I'm really distracted by my deep hatred of this phrase so I'll do another one later and make it part of a series (series-also a plural word), but in all reality, probably not.