Baby room, in an ideal world with ideal budget and still fidgety with it

but with better matching colors, BRIGHT BRIGHT everything, saturated with color and light. the white moldy chair. crib and changing table would be the color of that blue pillow, fabrics would be the yellow on the bird pillow.




You know what pandora has taught me? I don't care for lullabies, Next couple years are gonna be awesome. Unless my kid finds The Red hot chili peppers" and Nirvana soothing. I like Beethoven, so maybe that's a good compromise, my research indicates babies like that. 

Are You Ready to Ruuummmmmmmmmmmble?!?!?!

You better be, because if it snows ONE MORE TIME clouds I will be coming up there and we will be having a few "choice" words.

And by choice words I mean there will be a smack down the likes of which the public has NEVER seen. I see you guys sitting up there, all smug and out of reach, dressed in your chic winter grays. Feeling all safe and superior because I'd have to take a plane to reach you (I'm sure you've seen me before, up there, hanging out, I'm the one screaming bloody murder and giggling like a toddler. Remember I do sky dive, so the only thing between us and this approach to punching your crystals out is $300 and a pregnancy), but I believe you may have forgotten a less dramatic approach. A little thing I (and the rest of the English speaking world) like to call fog, yep that's right, you forgot about when you occasionally get knocked off your high horse by a front and have to spend some time on earth with the rest of us.

Keep in mind that when you have to lower yourself to our standards again, I will be waiting. Planning. Lurking in the shadows ready to TAKE YOU GUYS OUT, if it snows inappropriately one more time. April, is not the time for blizzards, snow showers, dustings, or even flurries.So cut it out. I realize that this is a transition month, so I understand that there will still be cold days, cold wind, heavy frost and really really cold rain BUT NOT snow, and/or freezing rain/drizzle.

That time has past, I know change is hard on you and you've enjoyed getting such a great work out this winter flexing your ice hard storm muscles. But it's time to move on with your annual cycle.  you have some summer favorites too don't forget. Now you get to make thunder storms!! They're so much more versatile than yucky old snow storms. Before you just got to make on thing in varying forms, you had cold and colder. NOW you get rain and lightening AND thunder. You can even take days off and have people admire your beautiful bellowing nimbuses and provide people with shade, they'll thank you and love you for it.

Video games (said with disgust and eye rolling)

Sometimes I have dreams about video games. I'm trapped in one and people are shooting at me, they don't really have anything against me, they're just bored and I'm wearing something that says "Kill me, it's fun and you can get points that are pointless (PUN!)!", so it's not like I can apologize while I'm running away or try to reason with them, they're just having some fun.

I AM NOT A GAMER. I want to make that clear before I continue, because some scary things are starting to happen, things I'm not proud of, but I need the therapy of blogging to help move past. (I don't think my bf is a gamer, but he does play a couple nights a week so I'm keeping a close eye on the developing situation, I'd hate to declare a no fly zone in certain rooms. )

Most of the time I leave when he's been playing for to long (about 10 mins or so, I'm a really strong person), but other times I'm engrossed in something else and don't want to lose my focus because I saw something shiny when I got up ( sometimes it's just WAY to cold to go outside) so I stay and he plays.

I definitely hear enough that I can quickly recognize what he's playing without being in the room and I now actually understand some of his game references and jokes. I'm not proud of this but it's happened and I'm trying to move on, I think I could have over looked my scary newfound game knowledge if one simple thing hadn't happened.

I made a joke. A video game joke. Not one about how dumb boys and/or their video games are and/or how boys with video games are not human any more, but I made an honest to gosh reference a "you had to play the game" to get it joke. I don't remember what it was exactly, I black out a little and start twitching (sometimes I droll a little, or so I've been told, I'm blacked out I don't know ) when I think about it to hard, but it happened and I deeply DEEPLY regret it. I fear I may never be the same again.

I don't really know where I'm going with this post, none of them really have a point or a conclusion so that's nothing new, but I'd like to start wrapping things up with neat little bows, maybe some sage and awe inspiring words, something sentimental or witty. I  also really like wrapping gifts, it's fun, and I like having a pretty box to display pre-gift pillage (see how I'm trying to distract from all my shame in the rest of this post?).

Well, I guess at least he's not one of those tools with the head phones that yell at people during the game and get SUPER into.Like so into it you want to ask them their address and find out their medical history in case they  have a flippin aneurysm or a heart  attack or maybe they have a blocked artery that is about to explode (I've fallen off the wagon again and have been surfing Web MD, I either have a hangnail or an embolism of the toe) so you want to be as helpful as possible when you call 911 for them.

He just came in to tell me about how he pushed a guy off a cliff in a game and that it was  super awesome, I heard him laugh from a separate room for like 5 minutes. I need to go to the situation room and review this latest intelligence.

UPDATE: Turns out he hasn't been playing most of the night he's just been messing with people to make them mad. I'm gonna go get out BigShotShooter03's emergency contact list, might be making some calls tonight

I'm really gonna try

I'm really gonna try not to be a mommy blogger. Not that I have anything against mommys and/or  the combination of mommies and bloggers, I read a few, but I'm not a mommy. I may be expecting but I don't wear mom jeans and I WILL have a life outside my uterus.

So in other news my partner is about to get hit in the face if he plays with my hair one more time or pokes me because he's ready to go to golden corral.

GOLDEN FREAKIN CORRAL. more late on my views of this place.

gah can you tell i was irritated. DONT POKE A PREGGO WHEN SHE's ANGRY- and i'm back to being a mommy blogger. 

Prenatal Fitness class

OW owww owww OWWWWWW, OOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOO, OWWWWWWWWWWWWW  

Pregnancy typos

I've always been told that pregnant women glow, that with all the hormones in their bodies and the knowledge that they're creating a life inside their bellies it causes women to beam with beautiful flawless skin and shiny silky hair not even a Loreal commercial can fake.

I think though, having done quite a bit of research lately, that people have simply been miss typing the word "glow", and this has lent credence to an urban legend about pregnant women and their fabulous outer appearance. What they really have meant to say is that pregnant women have this certain "glower".

There are a multitude of things I find distasteful and offensive as of late and these things will certain cause me to have an unmistakable GLOWER that cannot go unnoticed.

 I GLOWER at people drinking coffee (I do not GLOW at them, I give them the evil eye and hope they can't sleep tonight from caffeine over load).

 I GLOWER at other preggos that are more pregnant than me but still have a smaller waist measurement (CELINA).

I GLOWER at my jeans that I SWEAR fit yesterday but I can't button today.

I GLOWER at people that are not pregnant.

I GLOWER at people that look at me the wrong way (YES my face is broken out and I look like I have a rare skin disease and pre-baby my skin was  the only thing I could count on to look good and YES this shirt looks like a mu mu but you can't tell my pants are unzipped and I have to wear a beband with them).

In conclusion I GLOWER I don't GLOW and I'm going to start a "Glower Awareness Campaign" to stop the proliferation of  this stupid myth. 

The three month hangover

Surprise! You're an expectant.......reader? Oh. the wonderful world of pregnancy, I walk around in a glowing rose colored haze. Little woodland animals help me finish the household chores and a single sparrow softly warbles me awake me from my restful slumber each morning. I wake each day with a hand gently resting on my precious bundle of joy.

That's a crock of crap.It's more of a  three month hangover than a over referenced Disney troupe. When I can get out of bed, I keep one eye out for available thrash cans and the other shielded from the sun because it's to bright and that's proof the ozone layer is being eaten away.

Much like a hangover, I spend most of the day wrapped around the toilet pleading and begging. I SWEAR, that was the last time, I WILL NEVER EVER EVER do it again, just PLEASE make it stop.

When I make it from the toilet to bed, I spend half my time huddled in bed clinging to the sheets so I don't get thrown off into outer-space where there's nothing to get sick into. The other half I'm trying to plot my plan of attack to get back to the bathroom with as little bouncing and movement as possible.

 Silver lining- I've lost 13 pounds (this severe form of morning sickness is called Hypermesis, see this blogs fun and educational!), thank goodness I had the foresight to let myself go this winter.

Also, like a hangover when I do want to eat, all I can eat are things that formerly drunk people want. Bread and grease. Also, coke, but being with raisin (one month it said the baby was the size of a raisin and that whole month all I saw was a cinnamon raisin bagel in my belly, not a child) I cannot drink that beautiful elixir, nor the milk of life, coffee. All of it was taken from me, swiftly and what feels like permanently.

Bright lights and loud noises=bad.

Sleep only  happens after the black-out phase (blacked out from a combination of hunger, fatigue and SEVER annoyance at everyone and everything because NO ONE, NO ONE knows what I'm going through (I know BILLIONS of women do, but right now I just want to be wrong and cranky).


On the other hand, unlike a hangover:


People that went to bed a reasonable hour and didn't over indulge  feel bad for me and want to do things to make it better.

My partner spends most  of his day rubbing my back in between his flights to the kitchen to get me a glass of water or trying to find where I left my saltines.

I have a timeline that allows me to count down to the end of this current nightmare.

The hangover has a payoff- a beautiful child of my own.