I started a new blog, adventures in napping, It's located at http://wuwn.blogspot.com/

The "Mommy hates to clean" song

Sung to the tune of "Bringing in the sheaves" (southern baptist style, up beat tempo)

Mommy hates to clean, mommy hates to clean,
yes mommy hates to clean it makes her want to scream

She's mad she doing dishes it's the
7th time at least and it's still just 8:15
The laundry's to the ceiling, I have to change the sheets
Something really stinks, I think it's in the sink,
another freaking pipe burst are you kidding me?
Now I'll mop the floor , 5th time in five days,
Call me Cinderella at least she had some help

Mommy hates to clean, mommy hates to clean,
yes mommy hates to clean it makes her want to scream

Hey look at me, blogging like a big girl!

I'm back! I had a baby (and not just A baby, but the most beautiful/smart/funny/kind/smart/beautiful baby in the world (no bias))! He was born 4 months ago on October 13, 2010 (three days late, at 9 lbs 1 oz, 22 inches long),It was thankfully not a Friday. You know how most babies come up looking like something between Yoda and Rip Van Winkle (after the 100 year nap)? My son looked like he was born at one month, no scrunched up wrinkly old man face, no sleeping 99.9% of the day for my little man. He's been wiggling and smiling from the get go.   I still look pregnant thanks to my lack of commitment to dieting and the series of unfortunate but nothing that bad events following my beautiful, smart, funny, strong, son's birth.

I had an emergency c-section thanks to an ill timed bladder infection while I was starting my "baby's coming contractions", then my poor little boy got an UTI and had to spend the week in the hospital getting poked my nurses and needles. Then  like two weeks later I got a blood clot from my c-section. Then we had a brief relief period during the holidays and now (I hope) we're wrapping up this bag of bad with the lingering cold from Hell. seriously, I haven't been able to breath for like 3 weeks, I sound (and look) like an extra from "The walking dead" (i'm so purrrrrrrtey).

I'm still unemployed.

I'm so FREAKING happy, I love my son and how smart he is. He can roll tummy to back and back to tummy to get to the places he wants to go, he know what "up", "baba", "daddy" and "mommy" mean, he recognizes favorite toys, plays "fruit ninja" on kinect with me (he swats hard core at a toy owl on his bouncy chair and swat at the air), and he tries to convince me he's not tired before naps and bedtime by "talking" to me until he falls asleep. My smart boy. 

Pregnancy- the longest awkward moment

I know I say this a lot (maybe not here, but I do in the physical world), pregnancy is not a pastel Disney movie. It's a graphic National Geographic documentary, the kind where after each commercial break they have to post the "you seriously probably don't want to watch this" message. 

When you ask people about awkward moments in their lives, most involve things like "I got sick in front of everyone" or "I was talking to this really cute/important/random person and I accidentally pooted". Mine used to be "I was in class and I ripped my pants". Well, when you're pregnant these things happen all the time, ALL THE TIME. It happens so often that it becomes difficult to pick a specific time to give an example of when it happened, because it just becomes one giant 9 month horrifying blur. 

And then something happens in the 10th month (o yeah, you're really pregnant for 10 months not 9), one tends to lose (at least I have) all sense of reserve and dignity. You start using the medical terms that used to make you shudder in normal conversations, like they're totally acceptable topics.

The best way to make a non-pregnant person want to rip their ears out and make sure they don't sleep or eat for a week is to start incorporating the following terms:

Lochia- the 6 weeks of bleeding following the birth of the child

Mucus Plug- the barrier between your uterus and outside world.

Uterus-One must always use the term "womb" because it's a body part men don't have and therefore must be referred to by a sanitized moniker not it's clinical name. 

Placenta- the thing the baby is resting in. Tip to amp up the awkward factor: discuss the weird things people do with the placenta after it's delivered. i.e: Placenta reciepes, planting, family viewings. 

Colostrum-A think nutrient rich "milk" like substance that comes in before the milk

Hemroids/fissures/constipation/lack of constipation- bathroom talk is always an appropriate topic of conversation. 

Vaginal tearing- you can literally be ripped in half while delivering naturally, you should obsess about this verbally as often as possible. 

Yup, he's still in there

I've been contracting for what 2-3 weeks, years? I was dilated a centimeter two weeks ago, no movement in that area, I've staled out. My heart burn has increased, I'm only tired when it's inconvenient, like during the day, I can't stand to be within 2 feet of anyone.

I've been to the hospital twice in the past 6 days, once because I thought my water broke (it didn't and I did NOT pee my pants) and another time because I fell, I didn't hit hard and we're both fine (but even that didn't jiggle him out).

I can focus on one task for about 30 seconds, hence such a block and inconsistent post.

It's a good time. 

I'm still pregnant

I know there's still 12 days to my due date, but GET HIM OUT. I love my son and I want him to have the best which means having longer to incubate and gain weight, but Mommy really misses being mommy, not a kangaroo.

At this point I'm excited about getting an epidural, not because it will help relieve the pain of child birth  , but because I'll get a catheter and I won't have to spend 2/3 of my waking (and 9/10 of my sleeping) hours in the bathroom!!!! I swear our expenditures on toilet paper alone will cost almost the same as the actual delivery.

Also, I'll get to sleep on my belly and/or my back and/or my sides. IT DOESN"T MATTER! I can sleep whatever way I want (eventually and if I don't need a C-section, and it'll only be in like 10 min increments, but it'll still be on my stomach! ).

I won't be to paranoid to order a decaf pumpkin spice latte (It's the most WONderFUL time...of the yeearrr), I can drink a real one!

I won't have to wait on someone else's schedule to help me get the groceries up 4 flights of stairs (of course I'll need someone to watch the baby, but who doesn't love a baby(other than me previous to becoming with baby)!).

I didn't even notice you were pregnant

Really? You didn't notice the 25 lbs of moving belly? Did you think it was an awkwardly placed tumor? Or that I have a very prominent and engorged beer belly? Because I'm pretty sure I would have died of alcohol poising by now. I know I'm fat, but under normal circumstances I CAN see my feet and stand without wobbling, I even had the ability to bend at the waist and button my pants (most days, and just certain pairs others). How many cupcakes do you think my stomach can hold at a time? Cause this would be one hell of a food baby.

Having been fat my whole life, I'm normally very used to  comments like "you'd be pretty if you lost weight" and "It's weird how you still have a nice figure",  "I was shocked you were able to keep up in yoga/pilates/aerobics ", "You're not a diabetic?!? (noone's said that, but I bet they think it), but this "you don't even look pregnant" is really starting to piss me off. For pete's sake, it's the one time it's OK, that I'm gaining weight, IM SUPPOSED TO.

I'm pretty sure (well not usually, but given it's been a whole 30 minutes since someone's said something, I'm trying to sound like a good person) that they're trying to be nice, but um..........I'm two days short of 38 weeks, I KNOW I have to look something and I don't think it's just fat anymore.

Last month paranoia

Ok, so I'm pretty much just waddling around a lot and obsessing about the ridiculous now that I'm 9 months pregnant.

The latest way that I've convinced myself that I'm going to hurt my unborn son in the final moments comes from sending out thank you notes. How can thank you notes hurt my unborn child you may ask? He can't get a paper cut, he's protected by manner layers of tissue and blubber. Will he get carpel tunnel from writing so many? His writing skills aren't quit developed yet, so I'm doing all of that.

Nope, I'm pretty sure something bad will happen because I have consumed a large amount of paste while licking the backs of the envelopes. You would think that baby shower thank you notes would have a disclaimer to let you know that pregnant women shouldn't use them! What if my kid comes out with three arms now or an IQ of 5 because his mother became a paste eater!!!

Maybe he'll just be really into arts and crafts? With three arms he'd be really efficient at them.

Snakes at a baby shower

Good news, had an awesome baby shower, bad news my dad was bitten by a copperhead. There are three poisonous snakes in North Carolina (copperhead, water moccasin, and rattle snake) and my dad stepped on one (it was dark, he's not a snake praiser) in his backyard. I grew up in this house, my parents have lived here for 18+ years, we've had small green garden snakes, a range in sizes of black snakes, but we've never seen a copperhead anywhere NEAR here(or anywhere in general, except for like NatGeo or animal planet or what not) .Until recently, snakes didn't bother me, I used to chase garden snakes with a stick (classy right?), but uh now a little creeped out. We have a rubber snake that we used to hide around the house to scare each other, not so funny anymore.

So let's recap, this week we've had: earthquakes, hurricanes, rebel forces (okay so that was in Libya, but still a pretty big deal), poisonous snake bites, and a baby shower (I'm not a horrible person, at least not in this case, my dad was really upset we were going to cancel it). 

I've always considered North Carolina a realtively safe state. We don't have a whole lot of terrorist priority targets, we don't normally have earthquakes (we have several fault lines, but they're mostly dorment (I took geography in college (rocks for jocks!)), the outer banks get hurricanes but usually they're just wind and rain by the time they get this far inland, we get tornadoes sometimes but they rarely cause deaths. It's just a calm, relaxed, happy little state.

 I swear I'm not giving birth to Damien. I've been to church a couple of times during my pregnancy and neither me nor my son have burst into flames or caused crosses to turn up side down. We're good.

So for future reference here's a quick fact list about copperhead bites and treatments:

Snake bites happen at odd times, like while my mom and I were making food for the shower and my dad was putting stuff up outside and getting pumped with venom. Not while he's hiking, dirt bike riding, clearing brush, excetra excetra.

Sometimes the first responder will look like your boyfriend and confuse you for a second.

Before the ambulance leaves 10 firefighters will go snake hunting, on purpose, by choice, in the dark with axes and flashlights (not only will they rush into burning buildings, they will kill poisneous sankes, can firefighters get any more hardcore?)

The EMS workers and firefighters will stop by  the ER room when they can to see how the victim is doing. (I need to make them some cookies)

Don't keep the snake in the room with you (it was dead and in a bag), the nurses will all come in and out and squeal at it while the victim is writhering in pain (but the nurses will also be SUPER nice, compassionate, and efficent).

Anti-venom for copperheads is a myth. Unless you're very old or a young child, they will wait at least 24 hours to give it to you, if at all. The medical community is losing faith in it as a healer, it won't help pain, it is just supposed to stop the spread of venom.

The anti-venom cost $5000 a dose, and a full series is at least 4 doses (total cost $20,000).

All other visitors/patients/staff/whatnot will have snake stories and tell us what we did wrong/right and give us LOTS of advice that would have been helpful 48 hours ago not so much now.  

The strongest pain medication available will not stop the pain, but it may make it harder for you to breath.

It's a minimum three day stay in the hospital.

Suggesting we a have a Dunder Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity copperhead bite Awareness Pro-Am Fun Run For The Cure, will only be funny on day 5.

Hi, I'm Random, and I have an addiction

I am addicted to food network. I'm so addicted I'll even watch "five ingredient fix"( this is a dumb show, it's always got like 5-6 dishes and none of the ingredients are reused in any of them, so it's really more like 30 ingredient fix) to get a hit.

It's to a point now that I can recognize a show and it's food lineup with in seconds after intro music (which I also can name the show from without even looking).

I'm watching food network  right now and one of the hosts was laughing about being embarrassed because a "recipe" only had two ingredients and it wasn't really a recipe. Sandra Lee would have had a nervous breakdown trying to put that many things together!!

O yes, I know all the host and their little back stories. How pathetic am I?

But I know a TON of recipes. 

Hurricanes, Earthquakes, and rebel forces

Well dang, it's been a busy day in man made and natural disasters. My biggest worry when I woke up was remembering to make it to the post office. A lot of North Carolina (where I live) felt the earthquake, but I'm in the mountains and pretty well insulated so I didn't feel anything.

I've been crazing texting since I saw the earthquake on the news (was originally watching the rebels going in to Gadhafi's stronghold). The vast majority of my family is in central North Carolina (aka the Piedmont/Triad) and not all of them felt it. The people in business buildings seemed more likely to feel it. Crazy huh?

All the people on the news' answer to "what were you thinking" seems to be "I was so relieved it was an earthquake and not a terrorist attack".

**some dumb CNN ditz just asked if it was possibly cause by terrorist- yes, and her name is mother nature.

***also, a lot of very military looking helicopters just  flew over, reinforcing my crazy conspiracy nut theory that there are government bunkers in these here hills. I'm going to go put my aluminum foil helmet on. 

Pineapples

Has anyone else ever noticed how menacing a pineapple looks? I mean look "beyond" the obvious spikes and all and how (at least for me and my mom) it makes the inside of your mouth feel like it was just in a knife fight, but I mean seriously look

                                                     

                                                                      Pineapple

Doesn't it kind of look like a frustrated war monger created it? It looks like a very large grenade. Even the top is just to reiterate was it's supposed to do, it looks like a spiky explosion coming out of the top. 

I'm only focusing on how uncomfortable pineapples are because I got another "Fruit update"  on how big the baby is and they said she (although mines a he) weighs about half a pineapple. Can you think of a more uncomfortable fruit to have in your uterus?  All I can keep thinking about is, what half? the half with the spiky, stabby top or the bottom part that can explode and turn my insides out. I do not like this metaphor. 

I'm a make my own job

Screw it, won't give me a job? Huh punk, I'll make my own! I'm gonna go all hippie and desperate housewives and make things and sale them online. Have you ever noticed that hippies and rich bored housewives generally have the same occupations (neither rich nor a wife, but limited in mobility).

My baby shower is next Sunday and I've been doing A LOT of crafting. I love doing this kind of stuff, party planning and things that involve scrap book paper, glue sticks, and imagination. Why spend $50 on invites when I can make exactly what I want for $20?

So what I'm thinking about selling are the favors I've made. My nursery (or my son's nursery) is being done in a forest theme, heavy on the owls, and I wanted a favor that went along with the theme. Original thought: we'll give everyone saplings to plant! That way my son's first breath would be a little easier, a little cleaner! Of course with almost 40 positive RSVPS, and at $2.50 a pop, that's a little out of my price range. Then I moved on to tree seeds, which are apparently not sold commercially, then fall perennial flowers (I'm due October 10th). When I asked the workers at Lowe's Home Improvement, they said that I could come back in the spring for them.  Final decision: Bird seed! We'll share the love on the day he's born and feed the woodland creatures (The longer I live in the mountains the more hippie-ish I become, I've always maintained it was a contagious disease)!!

To get the seed to my guest, I went to a craft store and bought small brown paper bags (that kind of look like little evelopes when sealed), filled them with bird seed, and made really cool looking "thank you" tags for them. I'm really impressed with my 28 cent favors! So I have 50 creative favors for everyone plus a few spare for $14! I figure I can sale them for $20 for 25? That's standard mark-up. Think that's to much?

OMG

In need a job, I'm very employable, I can make it to final rounds of interviews, face to face. The problem seems to be when people stop looking at my face and start looking at my belly. I am losing my mind with nothing to do all day but cook and clean (I don't really clean that much, the apartment isn't that big and boyfriend will just go over it again due to his OCD). As soon as someone finds out I'm pregnant I'm out of the running, you can see the glaze come over their brains as they continue going through the act of interviewing me.

Technically, right now, I'm protected by the "American's with disabilities act" (which is a GREAT selling point right? "you have to hire me! being pregnant means I'm disabled!"), but a potential employer can give me any number of thinly veiled reasons as to why I'm not getting hired. The most common being "We went with someone who would be a better fit" I know what that would normally mean, but when my body is morphed to hold two people, like a half inverted Siamese twin, getting rejected from a job AND getting called fat, is NOT a good combo. In a town of constant, cheap, renewable,unattached labor, why hire someone who'll need a month off (during the busiest month of the year, great timing right?) and will come to work tired and sore ( no matter how well they'll actually work)?


The end.

The toilet war

warning not for the squeamish, or easily annoyed at run on sentences and rambling. 

Yes, this how exciting my life is now, toilets.

The battle of the bladder 

BY: Corporal Random 

 I was consumed with an all encompassing rage at plumbing. The situation wasn't so dark last night, the enemy only made me uncomfortable. And I would have eventually worked up the nerve to call in reinforcements ( ask the neighbors to borrow their plunger (because surely I am the only one unprepared for a clog in the works (ha!).) Except that the neighbors seemed to be having a little domestic dispute (not in the "COPS"  TV show kind of way, but in the "you freaking didn't take out the garbage AGAIN", overflow (i'm so clever) of everyday irritations that had be piling up. ) and I wasn't going to interrupt that. So I went to bed with a fullish bladder safe in the knowledge that in the morning I'd go to a hardware store, buy a plunger and all would be well with the world, there was nothing more I could do tonight.


However, while I slept, IT plotted. It rallied and increased it's arsenal.  The mysterious toilet paper clog had some how gotten hold of cement, barbed wire, and super glue in the middle of the night (where I don't know, all useful stores where closed. I suspect fowl play, no seriously a bird must have flown it in over night from another town), and quite possibly land mines. Because the five dollar plunger I bought at 8 this morning was no match for it's mighty mutant strength. 


At first it toyed with me, tested my battle lines for weaknesses, the bowl cleared, I saw a light at the end of the pipe, but it was all a ruse. When I flushed, it took my hopes and threw them at my feet.....all over the floor. I had an overflow of emotion....and toilet things. I lost two towels, two good towels, in that initial skirmish, and a mop, but I kept the enemy at bay. Kept him from breaking the battle front and moving into the home front. 


I regrouped, resupplied, and tried to hold on to my breakfast. I spent another 30 minutes at the hardware store carefully reading drain cleaner's directions (the vast majority, apparently, aren't meant for use in toilets), I bought a $8 bottle of un-clogger and a $15 (yes that's FIFTEEN, with three f's) plunger, $15 for something I was going to purposefully stick in a toilet. But I was bringing in the big guns (o, I love old cliches, I'm very original), I would give no quarter (no I was gonna give what, $30 total?), show no mercy.  I was prepared, but La Toilet was more so. It overflowed again. and again. and I cried. And snapped at my boyfriend who called who was only trying to help. 


I tell you my friends, I lost faith in the world during those dark times.I had lost all hope. But I surged onward, it was the only direction left available to me. It was all I knew to do, there was nothing outside that tiny room (except two cats desperate to get in) And I tell you, you may not believe this, I barely believe it, that day (as in today) I won. I was the victor. I don't know how, I suppose fate was on my side,maybe lady luck took a shine to me, but I have never seen water so pristine, so clean, so beautiful as what came rushing into (and out of, the proper way)that bowel. 


And now due to my two new mops, a bottles of pine-sol and clorox, rubber gloves, and scalding hot water I have the cleanest bathroom in three counties. 

Q: What is:

A bad thing to realize you don't own in the middle of the night when you have to pee every 5 minutes.

Answer: a plunger.

Q: What is a bad thing about living in a small town that's population quadruples (no exageration) this week with students moving back in?

Answer: The stores continue to stock their normal year round supply of plungers which means that the 8 plungers the store had in stock are now gone.

Q: What is an awkward way to meet your new neighbors?

Answer: Knock on their door in the middle of the night and ask to borrow their plunger.

Q: What am I currently doing?

Answer: Thinking about the Sahara desert and working up the nerve to meet the neighbors. 

Shows that help me feel like a better parent

Ok, so my kid is still inside me and I haven't really had to deal with any tough parenting dilemmas yet, other than giving up coffee (which I needed to do anyways since my kidneys were cups away from going on strike), but seriously there are some things I don't need to live to know I'll  never do. For example:


"Toddlers and Tiaras"
JonBenet Ramsey. Did these parents learn nothing about making there little girls look 24 when they're 4? Also BULLFUNKY on "my daughter loves it" she just screamed for 3 hours that she didn't want to until you threatened to drugged her when the camera was turned and controlled her with controlled substances (food) for the rest of the time. She is 4, all she wants to do is run around in circles not shake her butt in a two piece bikini because you didn't grow up to be who you wanted to be.

"Dance Moms"
Same as above but with a physical exhaustion level and a slight risk of neck snapping from all the gymnastics. Also what's her name? the dance teacher, is WAY out of line. If a kid is sick let her be sick. She wasn't even complaining (how sad is THAT by the way? that a 8 year old tries to hide that her body is giving out because everyone will yell at her, even her MOM).

"Hoarders"
I'm not a neat freak by any means but when it comes to keeping a dead cat and fifty plastic animals or my child I hope I choose my child. I do believe that these people do have a legitimate problem that needs professional help, but I would hope I'd seek that help before DSS shows up. Makes me feel better (sometimes slightly panicked) when dirty clothes pile up or dishes stay in the sink.

"Jersey Shore"
I hope that my kids know that mom and dad don't want to see them acting that way and giving American's bad names in other countries. His father is 1/2 German and spends a little time every year visiting family back in the fatherland (hehe, my phrasing) and this cast's behavior is not acceptable for him. At least of you're gonna be a drunken mess, have the decency not to broadcast it on international television. And for pete's sake know more than 10 words, please.

"Keeping up with the Kardashian's"
Kids are not a business. The end. (I really hope most of that is just for show for the show)

"I didn't know I was pregnant"
Most of them drank, did drugs, and did all sorts of horrible other things while they "didn't know" and all reports say they have normal, happy, healthy babies. I try to follow all the rules but sometimes I slip. I eat deli meat (now that I'm in the third trimester), I don't always exercise, I have to drive somewhere else and it's 5000 degrees outside. It's usually not bad in the mountains in the summer, but this year has been insane.

"The Desperate housewives of ANYWHERE"
How can you live your life "for your kids" if you never see them and you have 5 nannies to take care of them because you don't have the time (nipping and tucking and shopping and drinking and gossiping take up A LOT of time)? The ones that do spend time with their kids seem to have the same issues as the moms from "Toddlers and Tiaras" and "Dance Moms", their just a tool to make them more famous or richer.



Ok, I absolutely admit to watching all these shows, and knowing way more of the story line than I should, and therefore I am also condoning these parents actions via my commercial advertising dollars, but I can't look away. It's a "How to" book in reverse. It's educational right?

I would also like to ad "Semi-homemade with Sandra Lee" I will put more thought into my kids meals than into mommy's "special happy drink" (seriously I think the food is an afterthought, why else would her meals have two ingredients and her drinks 12?). Frozen pizza+ extra shake of kraft Parmesan cheese DOES NOT equal a recipe. I'm pretty sure everything learned on her show can be learned by reading the back of the box (everything she makes starts with a box, not that I look down on this kind of cooking, I do  quite a bit of it, but I don't try to pass it off as a TV show worthy of half an hour......although maybe I should.....)

Birthing Class

I have decided the most annoying phrase to come out of birthing class is "it's a purposeful pain". Well, no flippin duh, all pain has a purpose, it's to tell you not to do what ever caused something to hurt. OW! That burner's hot and it hurts to touch it, OW! it hurts to break your arm, don't do it! OUCH! IT REALLY FREAKIN' HURTS TO DELIVER, don't do it a lot, the population can't handle it.

It's pain, and although not having delivered yet, I'm pretty sure it's going to hurt a lot and it's not going to be pleasant. I doubt I'll be singing that "I am woman" song while I'm in my 100th hour of labor. Even with the drugs I plan on having pumped into my system. I know I don't handle pain well, I have to be medicated just to get threw menstrual cramps, and you do NOT want to be around me when I have a kidney stone. 

Also I think it gives first time mother's who aren't planning on using drugs ,their choice, an unrealistic sense of what to expect. Maybe if you're like "hey you know what, I shot out a human from my who-ha and it really hurt" they'd have a better chance of making it without the drugs sense they'd be better prepared. That's just a thought. 

Also, when your birthing instructor is a Douala and she brings in one of her clients to talk about her delivery, I tend to doubt the validity of her pain account, not her experience or her emotions, just the part that sounds like an infomercial "and the $800 for (insert instructor's name) to be there and talk to the staff for us and to help me manage the pain was MORE than worth that piddly amount, act now and she'll even throw in a free diaper change!"

Stupid phrasing. 

****edit also, did I mention that the birthing instructor/Douala is also a nurse at the only hospital for like 30 miles sooooooooooooo there's a good chance she'll be there with you for "free" anyways? 

Things I learned this weekend

DO NOT allow yourself to be photographed pregnant at a wedding. Everyone will have their hair and makeup done, be dressed to the nines, fresh off a 10 day fast, and you will have sweated off your makeup, lost control of your hair, and swelled out of your dress.

Moving while pregnant will be poignant and sad. You've spent a lot of time in that previous place, decorating it, cleaning it, making memories and it will all be packed up in a matter of hours and it will already look like someone else's place before you've even turned in the key. Yes the next place will be your babies first home and you'll be living with someone you love, but it cements in a very dramatic way that you are not your own anymore.

Wedding cake is always better than normal cake, already knew this, but pregnant while eating wedding cake is near nirvana. (especially when it's funfetti!)

There will always be that one decenting voice in birthing class and sometimes it will be you, the other women  may or may not appreciate this.

I have gained a lot of weight. Not owning a full length mirror is a really good way to avid discovering this. 

Things I did (will do) this week

1) dishes X a bazillion

2) watch all of True blood (I admit to not having the most sophisticated taste, but the show makes me laugh)

3) go to  (be in a wedding) YEA KATIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4) have my face clawed off by a cat

5) feed said cat medicine through a medicinal dropper, continue to get face clawed off

6) suffocate boyfriend after discovering the best way for him to feel the baby kick is to press my stomach against his back (more surface area (is that a fat joke?), so his hand doesn't have to be in the right spot at the right time).

7) go to birthing class and admit I'm the only one who wants to use  drugs during delivery and am the only one not using(interested in using) a midwife or doula. I want drugs and I want a medical professional that has a MD and DR in their name.

8) cringe every two paragraphs while reading baby books because the writers feel the overwhelming need to compare pregnancy and infancy to "your" wedding and marriage (not married, no wedding, our choice). There has to be another way to explain it, get creative people.

9) blog a post about nothing so you have an answer when people ask "what did you do today?"